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On The Twelve Days of Christmas,
My true love gave to me...
12 Ladies dancing...
      But my wife made me get rid of them.
11 Lords a leaping...
      They weren’t very useful, so I traded them in for a Ford Pinto
10 Pipers piping...
      A full army of plumbers
9 Drummers drumming...
      Out of nine you would think that at least one of them could keep a beat.
8 Maids a milking...
      My wife appreciates the extra help around the house
7 Swans a swimming...
      And boy were they delicious!!!
6 Geese a laying...
      I think I liked the swans better
5 Gold rings...
      But when I had them appraised they turned out to only be gold platted!!!
4 Calling birds...
       I'll never have to answer a phone again.
3 French hens...  
      Fried chicken anybody?
2 Turtle Doves...
     I'm starting my own little freak show.
And a partridge in a pear tree...
    Too bad it's not house trained!!!