51 fun things to do in a grocery store

1 Ask an employee where a product is, then in 5 minutes, ask the same employee where the same product is.

2 Take an instrument with you and park yourself in the middle of a busy aisle, sit down, and start playing (the worst you play, the better).

3 Take some cooking oil to the floors and then slide around on the slick surface

4 Set the live lobsters from the seafood section free, but first, take the rubber bands off the claws.

5 Two words: FOOD FIGHT!!!

6 Ask a random shopper in a polite and serious manner to "Please, pull my finger."

7 Ask a stock boy in the mustard aisle if they "happen to have any Grey Poupon."

8 Walk up to someone buying beans, sniff the air, and then ask "Haven't you done enough damage already?"

9 If there is a salad bar, get about four or five platefuls of salad, and then say, "Oh, I changed my mind" Put the salad back.

10 Play hide and seek with friends.

11 Race shopping carts up and down the aisles.

12 Remind a random shopper that he or she needs milk.

13 Even better, remind a random shopper that he or she is out of an extremely personal and/or embarrassing item.

14 Go around pushing all the customer service alarms.

15 Shrink wrap entire aisles.

16 Even better, shrink wrap your friends to shopping carts.

17 Even better than that, shrink wrap total strangers together.

18 Ask if they have Aunt Jamina in a ten pound sack. When they say yes, reply (Ok everybody, say it with me) "Then Let Her Out."

19 Tell the checker a few jokes. When he or she starts laughing reply in an appalled and offended voice "I don't find anything remotely funny about that."

20 Make rude noises with the ketchup squeeze bottles.

21 Get drunk off of the wine vinegar.

22 Bring a seeing eye or hearing ear baboon.

23 Talk loudly about all of your problems (The more personal, the better).

24 Strike up conversations with total strangers and pretend that you've known them for years.

25 Whip cream beard.

26 Fill a squirt gun from the toy section with syrup and squirt the manager of the store.

27 Ask the rent-a-cop (security guard) if you can play with his walkie-talkie.

28 If they have a microwave (say in the deli area) walk by, and then yell "MY PACEMAKER!!!!.

29 Shake up cans or bottles at random in the soda aisle.

30 If the store is really busy walk extremely slowly and don't let the person behind you get by.

31 Get on the loudspeaker and announce the store's competitor is selling g everything for 5% less.

32 Pull the bottom can out from a large stack of cans. Threaten to sue the store for negligence.

33 Make a long distance phone call from the courtesy phone (If there is one).

34 Use the store's advertisement paper as clothing.

35 Use your drivers license in the debit card machine at the checkout line.

36 Open up packages and sample, then put the package back on the shelf.

37 Have a nice calm peaceful conversation with an employee, and then in an offended and outraged voice yell I demand to see the manager.

38 Put your friends (or better yet, total strangers) in the freezer section.

39 Turn off any light switch you can find.

40 When presenting a check, if the cashier tells you that you are already in the computer, yell out "Oh no, I've been marked by the beast!"

41 Go to the deli section and ask for a sample of various meats, cheeses, and salads. Then say, "Well, I'm full now so I guess I don't want anything."

42 Push a shopping cart backwards and pretend like everyone else is pushing their carts the wrong way.

43 Start a conversation with your imaginary friend.

44 Play paintball with your friends.

45 Leave banana peals all over the floor.

46 If their is a self service soda or coffee machine, drink strait out of the machine.

47 Sushi and toilet paper: You figure it out.

48 sing to the musak coming from the loudspeakers.

49 Roll lettuce heads on the floor with your friends. See who can roll their head the farthest.

50 Pay for your groceries with monopoly money.

51 Fill up two or three shopping carts of groceries, then announce "Oh, I've changed my mind." Walk out of the store.

(C) 1998 Aaron J Edwards